I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
