Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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