I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
