my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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