Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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