Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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