Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
