apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Life is so much better after having sex.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
