you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
