No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
