just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
