He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
