There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
