I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
