she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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