we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
