I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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