That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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