I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
