I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
