I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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