I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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