Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
it hurts more in the daytime
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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