I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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