fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
