That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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