Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
