Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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