You're so nebulous sometimes
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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