Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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