I accidentally burped into my bong.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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