I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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