He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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