even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
