i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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