sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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