Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
