You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she peed on how many people?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
