He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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