Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
