im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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