I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
