If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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