I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I think my vagina is haunted
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
