if you like me you must not know who I am
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
