it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
