my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
