The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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