I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
