His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
