Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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