remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
