thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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