i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Randomize
