When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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