I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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