I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
