Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Dicks are not precious.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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