Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
