i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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