I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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