At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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