i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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