your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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