HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
