So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
