Only a mothe r could love this liver
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
So squirting runs in the family.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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