This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
