Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize